the fight

Flesh torn; face worn
she was tired. a tired that can’t be slept away. a tired that was heavy.
Shame, fault
100 people grabbing her soul at once, pulling
every direction, ripped from her body,
fighting
each step felt like walking through quicksand, hands
still pulling,
rain falling,
she’s falling……………….
………………………………………………..
……………..i’m falling
Laid bare, my wounds
open and raw.
STOP!
my soul laid around me, dropped from hands
black, void, alone.
Pulling my soul back, preserving
pushing it back into my open wounds.
leaking, pushing more but only leaking back out
I feel hands begin pushing and
Sewing the wounds closed
my soul begins to shift from black to red. A red that is only seen is magic and fairy tales.
pushing
sewing
pushing
sewing
rain washing away the fault,
the shame.
the guilt.
My heart was all that remained
eyes on me, waiting
Needle placed in my hand
Shaking, scared,
eyes on me, waiting
only the sound of the rain and my beating heart
begging to be healed
Aching, Desperate
Each stitch felt harder than the last.
The red only seen in magic and fairy tales begins to glow.
Tears flowed harder as I pushed my soul back in
Frantic
Pushing
Sewing
Pushing
Sewing
Desperate to save myself
to be whole
to be Love
The last stitch………..
One more
heaviness floated away.
Only Light
Only Freedom
Only Peace
Only Love

~ Stevie

Turtles

You took my hand in the ocean that day

Fears melted into trust

swimming together seeing new worlds beneath

Watching turtles pass by

 

Where did you go? The man that I knew.

 

The man who spoke words to my soul

The man who sent me love songs into the night

The man who taught me tears aren’t weakness but something to be held in honour

 

I hope one day, to meet that man again

in the ocean

As he takes my hand to watch

turtles swim by

~Stevie

Rubber Ducky

I watched the steam rise into the candle’s light.
Listening to the trickle of water pass me by.
Counting scars.

~ Stevie

For Real

I can still feel your

gaze searing through me from the stairs

I turned away quickly….

Nervously

I can still feel you

Towering over me,

Watching my movements

Waiting…

I can still hear your voice

I can still feel my desire

I can still feel your arms holding me

I can still feel my heart. Pounding. Anticipating.

I can still feel your lips on mine, pulling me close,

Your breath…

In my ear. On my neck.

I can still feel your hands move slow

hair standing on end. I gasp…

softly

I can still feel

Your mouth

Over my mouth

Whispering shhhhhhh

I can still remember you looking into my eyes

when you saw God

A momentary pure connection

I can still feel your caress. Your desire.

pulling me close,

Your breath.

In my ear. On my neck.

I can still remember… For Real…

~Stevie

 

The Kiss and The Wolf

I hear the pulse of your breath in my ear
Slowly I turn on my heel to see your face inches from mine,
Eyes locked to mine
I feel you take a step closer and I have no choice but to take a step back
and back
and back
and back
The cold metal door stops me in my path and I feel you take another step
even closer
The sensation of your fingers running up my neck into my hair
Makes my breath quicken and my heart palpitate
Your grip tightening, finger by finger
Swiftly jerking my head to the left
My neck exposed
My hair on end
My body melting into your roving tongue.
I need your naked body against mine
I need to feel your sweat mix with mine
I need to feel the weight of your body on top of mine
I need to run my lips over your chest
I need to drink in every inch of you
to burn the scent of you into my sensory bank
I need the memory of just One….Last…Kiss

~ Stevie

 

 

Last night I dreamt of fire and wine
and the passionate caress of his lips exploring mine
His breathless words burned into my every thought
my body writhing with pleasure seeking what it so vainly sought
Cupid aimed his arrow a straight line for my heart
I didn’t stand a chance, it shot through me right from the start.
Suddenly the wolf licked his fangs and he expected me to run
underestimating my strength, I can shoulder a tonne.
Instead of taking the chance the wolf tore open my breast
and with sadness in his eyes, reached deep into my chest.
Ripped out a piece of my heart and grasped it tightly in his hand
it belongs to him now, may it always help him to stand.
My heart longs and it aches, it feels like it’s played Russian Roulette
pulverised to bits with a rusty bayonet.
I still remember the times I was warm and safe in his arms
every breath on my naked back, taking away all my harms.
Tears rolled down my face from the corner of each eye
questioning if every word and embrace was nothing but a horrible lie.
I awaken from my dream. I’ve seen the man behind the curtain.
It’s true. I would have run. Of this, I am now certain.
I wanted to save his soul, and for him to save mine.
But no longer do I dream of passion, fire and wine.

~ Stevie

Beautiful Girl

The last one enters
but the taste still lingers.
Her haunting dreams of shallow empty smiles.
The militant mind struggles
to prevent sneaking.
Divine figures surround her and
have an eagerness to please.
She embraces sleep as her only true peace.
Standing in a realm of flawlessness
she seeks guidance.
The flimsy thread of sanity
hang in the hands of flirtatiousness.
Pictures of perfection pierce
tiny daggers through her.
Scissors can
cut along the dotted lines
of the overabundance of flesh.

Oh, what a beautiful girl.

~ Stevie